I meet a lot of new people on Facebook.

Anonymous said: Sorry to hear of your dads passing. You may know I have been doing our Crean family tree for many years now and if you wish to know what I have on your line let me know. My question is could you give me your mother's name because I don't have it on your tree. I do have your family back to a Dennis Crean married to a Catherine O'Connell your GGGreatgrand Parents. Len Crean

My mother’s name was Kathleen McNamara, I’d love to take a look at the family tree! My email is rob.crean@gmail.com

Anonymous said: can you find something that rhymes with Spandau Ballet? its for my new hip hop record, thanks in advance

Well, the most obvious choice is “Can’t do, ya gay”, if you’re on that homophobic tip, I know a lot of rappers are, in fact I think I read the only rapper that’s not homophobic is Macklemore. That’s why he won an Oscar. “Grand Jew, won’t pay” If you’re on the Anti-Semitic tip, which admittedly, seemed to be much more in vogue in the 90s. I don’t think it’s considered Kosher in rap to be an a anti-Semite anymore.  It’s a weird thing, but nothing that rhymes with Spandau Ballet is not hateful! There are lots of less hateful things that rhyme with Aztec Camera, Wreckless Eric, Spit Enz, Midge Urge, and Prefab Sprout. I’d consider going with one of those. 

Growing up I always remember watching my father talk. He was a great conversationalist, he had a disarming way and a sincere interest in other people. He viewed every conversation not just as a pleasant social interaction, but as an opportunity to learn from other people’s experiences. He would often start a sentence with a phrase like, “I met a guy once, who told me…” These skills were helpful in the many jobs that he held over his life, and I still have stories in my head of people that he met at each of his jobs. Crazy vendors from trade shows in Chicago, the park ranger who was a regular at his doughnut shop who told him about calling a police chief to get a ticket fixed, (Evidently, just like for fellow police officers, police stations are obligated to fix tickets for park rangers, but they’re very unhappy about it.) or the kid who was in his shop class when he taught at Hanover High, “Toe-Knee-Back-Stir”.

This is a quality that my sister and I have both inherited. We’ve inherited many of his qualities, but the one quality that I respected about my father so much that I worry I haven’t inherited was his work ethic. My whole life I watched him work so hard. Long hours, little sleep. I saw him struggle and push himself at his restaurant as he slowly went under. This taught me a valuable lesson, and that is that no matter how hard you work, no matter how many right choices you make, college education, wise investments, it can all fall apart.

Ten years ago, my father had a brain aneurism rupture and doctors told us that he most likely would not make it, and so in a way we started the mourning process a decade ago. We were lucky enough to get those extra years with him, though and I’ve gotten a chance to know his girlfriend Theresa and the chance to let him know who much I loved him. I’ve learned so much from him in these last ten years, about his life and the history of our family.

Over the last six months, every time I spoke with my father eventually he’d bring up his late brother E.A. He’s say, “he was quite a guy, he left behind a huge fortune to his sons, I wish I was leaving behind something like that to you and Allyson.” It really bothered me, and I told him it did. He may not have left us a bunch of money, but that’s okay, because we don’t need money, we’ve got something much more valuable, strength of character. My sister is one of the smartest, kindest and strongest people I’ve ever met, and it’s because of the parents we had.

Anonymous said: Fran's Place is looking for new talent for our upcoming events!!! If you or someone you may know is interested in open mic, battle of the bands, comedians, singing contests. We Plan on having a re-Grande opening!

Fran’s place! I sent you an email! Get back to me! rob.crean@gmail.com ! 

Anonymous said: Hey man I'm 17 do you know any open mic comedy places that'll let me perfrom? If it helps I look and sound 24.

#mideastcorn is technically advertised as 18+, but since it’s a restaurant, you can be there before 11.  Just don’t order any booze, though feel free to buy soda, juice, food or a Middle East suvenier t-shirt. 

Anonymous said: Hi Rob, I'm thinking of attending a comedy open mic. How long should a first timer's set be? Thanks Jim

Less than 5 minutes, definitely, but sometimes even less than that.  If your set is 30 seconds, no one will complain, though, so don’t worry about make sure you have enough, just make sure you don’t have too much.

Anonymous said: My girlfriend and I just moved to Los Angeles and miss seeing you every friday at the Pill - do you or any of your other Pill-regular friends (like whats his name, "no funky moose"?) ever tour this far west? Hope all is well!

"No funky moose" is Andrew Mayer, he’s great, ( http://mayercomedy.com/ ) I think he goes to L.A. every once in a while. Depending on when you came to the show, there may be a lot of people from it who live in L.A. now, people like Zach Sherwin ( http://zachsherwin.com/videos/ ) Ahmed Bharoocha ( http://youtu.be/wBhX9IFWVcw ) Tim Vargulish ( http://youtu.be/LSgDOUHEKl8 ) and Laura Crawford ( http://youtu.be/jkm3hU5xME0 ) 

Check these folks out, they’re all in L.A. now and all great! I’m sure I’m missing a ton more too.

Anonymous said: Hi, My Name is Patrick, I'm 26 new in the comedy scene, I have been making friends and family laugh for years and they all tell me that i should do stand up. When i was younger i thought about doing it and did for my talent show once. Went well, I guess my question to you is How should i go about getting my name out there?

Hey Patrick, just get on stage! Go to open mics, if you’re in the New England area www.unscenecomedy.com has a great list of open mics, if you’re not, check out www.badslava.com for national listings. My mic is every Tuesday at The Middle East in Central Square, Cambridge, MA. You can get details for that in the events section of www.facebook.com/andersoncomedy

Rob

SERIOUSLY! YOU DUM DUMS, STOP REFRIGERATING THESE FOODS! FOR REAL! STOP BEING SUCH GOOF-NERDS!
Look, we all agree, refrigeration is the figurative, but not literal, bomb. It’s great how it keeps stuff cool, and if you turn up the knobs, cold. Refrigeration has been around for over 30 years, and so we’ve gotten pretty comfortable with it. But, could it be TOO comfortable? No, that’s impossible, but we are probably putting to much stuff in there.  Seriously, so much of this is just common sense.
1. CANNED BEANS
Hey, I love canned beans, we all do, I sometimes wish I could eat them straight out of the can, maybe over a flame, maybe made of tires. You know, like a hobo. Unfortunately, my fine breeding prohibits it. Still, there’s a big difference between a bindle on the shoulder of a bum being chased by a railroad bull and the quiet cool of a Frigidaire crisper. Seriously, stop keeping these canned beans in the refrigerator.
2. BAKING SODA
It seems like every time I’m sneaking around one of my pal’s fridges, I see the same thing. Chilled baking soda, and WHY? It’s completely unnecessary. Did you know what we call “baking soda” is actually nothing more that simple sodium hydrogen carbonate? Bet you feel pretty silly about refrigerating it now, don’t you? In fact, not only is it not necessary for you to refrigerate baking soda, but recent studies show it may even cause otherwise perfectly good baking soda to take on the smells and even flavors of other foods in the fridge. Seriously, get that NaHCO3 out of the refrigerator!
3. EMPTY TENNIS BALL CANS
I honestly can’t even decide where to begin with this one. This is crazy. First of all, this is in no way a food, I can’t imagine how you’d get that impression, it’s not only not a food, but not even a product, it’s packaging, and I mean, not like a full pizza box with one slice left in it, but literally JUST THE PACKAGING! This makes absolutely no sense!  Sometimes people compare tennis ball cans with Pringles cans. I mean, is that what you’re aiming for here? It’s not clear, and either way, none of it makes any sense. First of all, if this is a Pringles allusion, make it clearer, second of all, even if it is, these are still empty cans, and finally even if it was actually Pringles cans with actual Pringles inside them, these still would not need to be refrigerated. This is maybe the worst one on this list, I mean, seriously, stop it. Stop putting empty tennis ball cans in your refrigerator. 
4. MOTH BALLS
This is a really important one, because moth balls kind of look like food, but definitely are not. they can actually make your pretty sick, but it’s worth it be a Sigma Alpha Epsilon. GO SIG ALF EP!
5. Hypercolor T-Shirts
First of all, how do you even still have one of these? I mean they were everywhere for, like, a minute, and then gone. Where did you even get this? Have you had it since the early 90s? Anyhow, the point is, Hypercolor changes color based on temperature, but the low temp is basically just room temperature, so there’s no need to refrigerate this. This is still not a food, but it actually makes the most sense of any of these, still though, stop refrigerating your Hypercolor shirts. 

SERIOUSLY! YOU DUM DUMS, STOP REFRIGERATING THESE FOODS! FOR REAL! STOP BEING SUCH GOOF-NERDS!

Look, we all agree, refrigeration is the figurative, but not literal, bomb. It’s great how it keeps stuff cool, and if you turn up the knobs, cold. Refrigeration has been around for over 30 years, and so we’ve gotten pretty comfortable with it. But, could it be TOO comfortable? No, that’s impossible, but we are probably putting to much stuff in there.  Seriously, so much of this is just common sense.

1. CANNED BEANS

Hey, I love canned beans, we all do, I sometimes wish I could eat them straight out of the can, maybe over a flame, maybe made of tires. You know, like a hobo. Unfortunately, my fine breeding prohibits it. Still, there’s a big difference between a bindle on the shoulder of a bum being chased by a railroad bull and the quiet cool of a Frigidaire crisper. Seriously, stop keeping these canned beans in the refrigerator.

2. BAKING SODA

It seems like every time I’m sneaking around one of my pal’s fridges, I see the same thing. Chilled baking soda, and WHY? It’s completely unnecessary. Did you know what we call “baking soda” is actually nothing more that simple sodium hydrogen carbonate? Bet you feel pretty silly about refrigerating it now, don’t you? In fact, not only is it not necessary for you to refrigerate baking soda, but recent studies show it may even cause otherwise perfectly good baking soda to take on the smells and even flavors of other foods in the fridge. Seriously, get that NaHCO3 out of the refrigerator!

3. EMPTY TENNIS BALL CANS

I honestly can’t even decide where to begin with this one. This is crazy. First of all, this is in no way a food, I can’t imagine how you’d get that impression, it’s not only not a food, but not even a product, it’s packaging, and I mean, not like a full pizza box with one slice left in it, but literally JUST THE PACKAGING! This makes absolutely no sense!  Sometimes people compare tennis ball cans with Pringles cans. I mean, is that what you’re aiming for here? It’s not clear, and either way, none of it makes any sense. First of all, if this is a Pringles allusion, make it clearer, second of all, even if it is, these are still empty cans, and finally even if it was actually Pringles cans with actual Pringles inside them, these still would not need to be refrigerated. This is maybe the worst one on this list, I mean, seriously, stop it. Stop putting empty tennis ball cans in your refrigerator. 

4. MOTH BALLS

This is a really important one, because moth balls kind of look like food, but definitely are not. they can actually make your pretty sick, but it’s worth it be a Sigma Alpha Epsilon. GO SIG ALF EP!

5. Hypercolor T-Shirts

First of all, how do you even still have one of these? I mean they were everywhere for, like, a minute, and then gone. Where did you even get this? Have you had it since the early 90s? Anyhow, the point is, Hypercolor changes color based on temperature, but the low temp is basically just room temperature, so there’s no need to refrigerate this. This is still not a food, but it actually makes the most sense of any of these, still though, stop refrigerating your Hypercolor shirts.