SERIOUSLY! YOU DUM DUMS, STOP REFRIGERATING THESE FOODS! FOR REAL! STOP BEING SUCH GOOF-NERDS!
Look, we all agree, refrigeration is the figurative, but not literal, bomb. It’s great how it keeps stuff cool, and if you turn up the knobs, cold. Refrigeration has been around for over 30 years, and so we’ve gotten pretty comfortable with it. But, could it be TOO comfortable? No, that’s impossible, but we are probably putting to much stuff in there. Seriously, so much of this is just common sense.
1. CANNED BEANS
Hey, I love canned beans, we all do, I sometimes wish I could eat them straight out of the can, maybe over a flame, maybe made of tires. You know, like a hobo. Unfortunately, my fine breeding prohibits it. Still, there’s a big difference between a bindle on the shoulder of a bum being chased by a railroad bull and the quiet cool of a Frigidaire crisper. Seriously, stop keeping these canned beans in the refrigerator.
2. BAKING SODA
It seems like every time I’m sneaking around one of my pal’s fridges, I see the same thing. Chilled baking soda, and WHY? It’s completely unnecessary. Did you know what we call “baking soda” is actually nothing more that simple sodium hydrogen carbonate? Bet you feel pretty silly about refrigerating it now, don’t you? In fact, not only is it not necessary for you to refrigerate baking soda, but recent studies show it may even cause otherwise perfectly good baking soda to take on the smells and even flavors of other foods in the fridge. Seriously, get that NaHCO3 out of the refrigerator!
3. EMPTY TENNIS BALL CANS
I honestly can’t even decide where to begin with this one. This is crazy. First of all, this is in no way a food, I can’t imagine how you’d get that impression, it’s not only not a food, but not even a product, it’s packaging, and I mean, not like a full pizza box with one slice left in it, but literally JUST THE PACKAGING! This makes absolutely no sense! Sometimes people compare tennis ball cans with Pringles cans. I mean, is that what you’re aiming for here? It’s not clear, and either way, none of it makes any sense. First of all, if this is a Pringles allusion, make it clearer, second of all, even if it is, these are still empty cans, and finally even if it was actually Pringles cans with actual Pringles inside them, these still would not need to be refrigerated. This is maybe the worst one on this list, I mean, seriously, stop it. Stop putting empty tennis ball cans in your refrigerator.
4. MOTH BALLS
This is a really important one, because moth balls kind of look like food, but definitely are not. they can actually make your pretty sick, but it’s worth it be a Sigma Alpha Epsilon. GO SIG ALF EP!
5. Hypercolor T-Shirts
First of all, how do you even still have one of these? I mean they were everywhere for, like, a minute, and then gone. Where did you even get this? Have you had it since the early 90s? Anyhow, the point is, Hypercolor changes color based on temperature, but the low temp is basically just room temperature, so there’s no need to refrigerate this. This is still not a food, but it actually makes the most sense of any of these, still though, stop refrigerating your Hypercolor shirts.