Philip Lazarovici <email@example.com>
My wife Violet and I Allen Large won 11.3M USD in a lottery 6-49 in July, 2010 and we have decided to donate the sum of 2M USD to you. Contact us via our personal email for more details (firstname.lastname@example.org) You can verify our story by visiting the web page below.
Co-ordinator: Baker FUI
Dear Allen and Violet,
You’ve made the right choice! As hard is it might be to believe, you’d be surprised as to how many people win the lottery and DON’T donate a portion of their winnings to me. I really boggles the mind when you stop to think about it! I guess it’s long been a pattern of the nouveau riche
to pander to their old poor, pathetic, friends (and I know I can use this, admittedly harsh vernacular, since you are now among the super-rich) by donating to so called “charitable”
causes. Well, you know how the old expression goes, “charity begins at home” and I take that to mean my home, and me. So gimme gimme gimme!
You may be curious as to how I, the obvious most deserving beneficiary of your generosity, will spend this cool two mil. Well here are just a few examples;
1. No more laundry!
I’m not sure if I’m going to just have my clothes professionally laundered or just throw clothes out once I’ve worn them once and buy new
ones. I mean, I can afford it sure, but I do have some attachments to my old clothes. For instance, I’ve got some great t-shirts. I have one
that has a parking ticket on it and says “Welcome to Boston” (calm down Menino, we’re cool.) and another that says “my kids think I’m an
ATM” with a pictures of an atm with a dollar bill flapping out of the front, but the dollar bill is actually a separate piece of fabric sewn to the
t-shirt. You gotta see it! Any how, the point is, I’m never doing laundry again.
2. Postal Insurance!
Whenever I mail a package at the post office, they always ask if I’d like shipping insurance for like $3. I never take it, but now that I’m a
millionaire, EVERYTHING’S INSURED! I heard that J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez) had her butt insured. I think I might do that too! Why not?
Also, might get my calf muscles insured, as they’re my best feature. (And NOT calf implants as certain ex-friends have insinuated.)
3. Broccoli Florets
I’m so sick of buying broccoli stock and loving the florets but then having to boil the stocks forever to make them appetizing. From now on,
I’m just buying those bags that just have the florets. No stocks! Yeah, it’s a bit more expensive, but hey, guess who just became a millionaire? What has two thumbs and no broccoli stock?
4. 3 discs at a time!
I currently get two discs at a time sent to me from netflix. (You probably thought only black people and Filipinos still got the DVDs in the mail.
[a new stereotype I just learned about. They’re making new ones every day!] Make that black people, Filipinos and ME!) Well from now on,
I’ll be getting 3 discs at a time. That way I can have two discs constantly rotating out while I wait until I have the patience to sit through
5. Reebok Pumps.
I always wanted them when I was a kid, but now I’m going to have them as an adult. The ones with the pump on the tongue that looks like
a basketball. That’ll show all those jerks at St. Catherine’s. What a bunch of jerks!
These are just a few examples of how I plan to use this new windfall. I’m already a pretty fancy guy, but I’m excited to see just how fancy I can get, and I’m excited for you, Allen and Violet, to have the pleasure to watch me grow and blossom into the rich, rich man that I always knew lurked inside me, just below the surface. I make a pledge to you today, that I will do my best to be the Pygmalion of your truly Great Expectations,