Anonymous said: Why don't you answer my questions in a more timely manner?

I’m very busy! I plan to get to all of them though. 

This is a song Zach Sherwin made for us a long time ago. 

Anonymous said: Do you consider yourself a "bronie"? (A male fan of the series, "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.")

No, though the other day I did spend over an hour looking up photos of Strawberry Shortcake figures.  There were some later generation versions that I hate.  

http://www.notshallow.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Sour-Grapes-Purple-Pie-Man1.jpg

Anonymous said: Why not try a hamburger just this once?

I’ve had hamburgers, just not recently.  Not for me really.  I stopped eating red meat when I was about 13, but continued to eat chicken until I was 17 or 18. If I was going to eat meat now, I’d probably go with fish, but I probably won’t. 

Anonymous said: Where is your favorite place to poop (other than the bathroom)?

Nature. 

Anonymous said: In an emergency, could you ride a horse to Lexington to let them know John Oliver has a new TV show?

Man, I don’t know, I haven’t been on a horse since I was a kid, and then only a few times, and I wasn’t good at it, and it made my butt hurt really bad. Also, I’m not sure I’d know how to find Lexington, am I allowed to use GPS? Everything North of Boston seems crazy to me! 

But hey, everyone in Lexington, look at this!

https://www.youtube.com/user/LastWeekTonight

Anonymous said: I still have your Janina CD. Would you like it back? Perhaps in exchange for my book and DVDs?

Deal! Though I’m pretty sure I have multiple copies of the Janina cd, I’m happy to give back your stuff. 

Anonymous said: Can you ever walk past a doughnut shop and not think about your childhood?

It’s a weird thing, but I actually almost never think about my childhood. Most of the memories I have are from my parents telling me stuff about my childhood as an adult.  My sister is the same way, virtually no childhood memories.  Occasionally, though, when I’ve found myself in the kitchen of a restaurant it does bring up memories of working in the kitchen of my dad’s doughnut shop. (Which for clarification was more like a greasy spoon breakfast/lunch place with coffee and doughnuts, a truck stop.) Especially if I see a large industrial mixer, my father bought one at an auction before he opened, and by the time he opened realized that it didn’t really make sense for what he was doing and for the next ten years acted as a nothing more than a giant mixing bowl holder. 

When I struggle I can conjure up some memories, I remember some of the regulars who would be there as my dad was closing up, this guy Bob who was a retired Park Ranger who talked all the time and even as a child seemed to be full of shit. From him I learned that to dispose of dynamite you have to burn it, and that park rangers can get out of speeding tickets. You know how when a cop gets a ticket in a different town he can have his commanding officer call and get the ticket taking care of? It’s part of the fraternity of police. Turns out if a park ranger calls and asks for a ticket to be fixed, fraternally the police have to do it, but they’re not happy about it. 

I remember listening to right wing talk radio in the kitchen, which for some reason my dad, always a moderate, got really into for a while. Really the only thing I remember from that was Larry King’s ads for Gold Bond Medicated Powder, “Who uses Gold Bond? Active seniors, people on the go, and me…Larry King.” 

Maybe part of the reason doughnut shops don’t make me nostalgic is because i never see doughnut shop that are like my dad’s was.  It was an insane building, a monstrous A-frame that was a scuba supply store before and a 50’s diner after. I remember before we opened there were no bathrooms, my father and I had to completely smash a cement floor so we could put in plumbing, something I’d love the opportunity to do again. 

I don’t know that there aren’t still doughnut shops out there like this, but not in the city anywhere.  Here there are mainly Starbucks, which bear no resemblance to my my dad’s shop, and Dunkin’ Donuts, which are slightly closer, but still pretty far off. 

The other thing that sticks with me about the doughnut shop is, when I was a kid, adults would always say to me, “Your dad owns a doughnut shop, you must be sick of doughnuts, huh?”  That always seemed so stupid to me. Who gets sick of doughnuts?

Anonymous said: what is your best advice? will you be my dad

My best advice in life is to make sure you’ve got a good conflict.  Make sure you’ve got something good to struggle against, because if you don’t your mind will create a conflict for you. 

For the second question, I can’t answer that one anonymously.  I don’t want no ugo kids.

Anonymous said: Is the Greek Yogurt bubble about to burst?

This is a great question, or should I say it potential one of two great questions. What I’m saying is, I’ll need some clarification to answer this.  Are you asking, “Over the past several years the price of Greek yogurt has surged as a result of increased interest and demand. Is a artificial bubble that like all economic bubbles must inevitably burst, or have we ended a new age of Greek yogurt supremacy?” or are you asking “You know that milky white stuff that seems out when you’ve got some greek yogart? There’s some air bubbles in that milky stuff, you think they’ll stick around?”